When I saw the name of @Astro_Jose, I immediately thought of Bill Dana's running gag about "Jose Jiménez" during the Mercury era.. but now with "Jose Hernandez" as text.
Interviewer - Don Hinkley
Part I
DH) The gentleman you`re about to meet is the most important man in any of our lives. He`s the United States officer who has been sent into outer space. I`m referring to the cheif astronaut with the United States Interplanetary Expeditionary Force and here he is now. How do you do sir, may we have your name?
JJ) My name, Jose Hernandez
DH) And you`re the cheif astronaut with the United States Interplanetary Expeditionary Force?
JJ) I am the cheif astronaut, with the United States, Interplanetary, (long pause).... My name Jose Hernandez
DH) Mr. Hernandez could you tell us a little about your space suit?
JJ) Yes, it`s very uncomfortable
DH) How much, how much did the space suit cost?
JJ) That eh space suit cost 12,000,000 dollars
DH) 12,000,000 dollars?
JJ) Yes
DH) That seems rather expensive.
JJ) Well it has two pair of pants
...So that`s only 6,000,000 dollars a piece...
DH) I`ve been noticing this, Mr. Hernandez. What is this called, a crash helmet?
JJ) Oh I hope not
DH) What are the physical qualities that they look for in an astronaut?
JJ) The physical qualities they look for in the astronaut, you got to have the perfect hearing, you got to have the perfect vision, you got to have the normal blood pressure, you got to have four legs
DH) You have to have four legs?
JJ) Yes, they were going to send a dog but they thought that would be too cruel
DH) Mr. Hernandez you must have some opinions on the race for space.
JJ) All right I will (long pause) I got one
DH) What do you think of Vanguard I and Jupiter II
JJ) That was a pretty close game
...I thought for sure that Vanguard was going to take it...
DH) The west coast yes...
JJ) ...What you were reading the papers about...
DH) ...Yeh I know, Tell me Jose,
JJ) I`ll tell you Jose
DH) Tell me
JJ) Yes I`ll tell you, you just ask me and I tell you...
DH) Alright
DH) Were you a participant at any of the rocket launchings at Cape Canaveral?
JJ) I was a participant, at any of the rocket launchings at Cape Canaveral, I was there,when they opened the door into the nose-cone, and they took that mouse, and they put that mouse inside the nose-cone, then, they closed the door, on that little mouse, (long pause) I don`t want to talk about it
DH) Please Mr. Hernandez please, please let`s ah, try to continue here, ah
DH) I want to ask you: What is the most important thing in rocket travel?
JJ) To me the most important thing in the a rocket travel is the blast-off
DH) The blast-off.
JJ) I always take a blast before I take off, (pause) otherwise I wouldn`t get in that thing
DH) Well after that: What is the proceedure in taking off?
JJ) The proceedure after that in taking off, you got to put on the tetro-hydrollic double dynamo rebostable booster, you got to activate the de-compression activator, and you got to put on the anti-magnetic escowsinga system
DH) And then you`re really up there!
JJ) No that opens the door,(long pause) and lets out that little mouse
Part II
DH) Let`s talk about the rockets themselves
JJ) Well, I, I had trouble once with one of the rockets
DH) At Cape Canaveral?
JJ) No at the Radio City Music Hall,
It was something about seperate mantainence...
DH)(Yes)
JJ) (I don`t know)
DH) Let`s ah change the subject
JJ) Okay if you know how
DH) Let`s talk about the actual rocket trip
JJ) Okay
DH) By the way do you know that it`s costing the government seven billion dollars, to send you on this trip into outer space?
JJ) That`s not my fault, I told them I was willing to go Tourist, and they said it was such a long trip, go first class and that`s what I done...
DH)...Okay do you think the...
JJ)...(no overweight baggage)...
DH) Do you think there will be life on Mars?
JJ) Maybe, if I land on a Saturday night, something might be happening, otherwise I`m going to bring a book
DH) That`s something I ah, wanted to ask you about Mr. Hernandez, of coarse it`s a very long trip into outer space...
JJ) Yes it`s a long trip alright
DH) ...And I just wonder what you`ll do to ah do to entertain yourself during those long, lonely, solitary, hours when you`re all by yourself?
JJ) Well, I plan to cry a lot
DH) I ah, I would imagine that food is a major problem on a trip into outer space
JJ) I would imagine that food is a major problem, on a trip into outer space, and it is you know, they only allow you to have the ten ounces of food
DH) Only ten ounces of food?
JJ) That`s right
DH) Well how will you manage?
JJ) I`ll eat out
DH) After you`ve ah been into outer space Mr. Hernandez, and you return to earth, where will you be landing?
JJ) I am going to be landing in Nevada
DH) In the state of Nevada
JJ) In the state of Nevada
DH) Then you`re convinced that they will get you back to earth?
JJ) I am convinced that they will get me back to earth,
DH) Good
JJ) Just how far into it, (long pause) that`s what I`m not convinced about
DH) Well surely they`ve made some provisions to break your fall?
JJ) To break my fall?
DH) Yes
JJ) Sure Nevada
DH) Well Mr. Hernandez I think you`re certainly to be congratulated for this very very dangerous, undertaking
JJ) Oh don`t say undertaking
DH) Ah, mission, this very dangerous mission,
JJ) That`s a better choice of words
DH) And before you go...
JJ) Don`t even say go
DH) Before that I just wonder if there are a few words that you`d like to say to the people of the United States?
JJ) Yes there are a few words that I`d like to say...
DH) Please go ahead
JJ) ... to the people of the United States
JJ) People of the United States of America, Please don`t let them do this to me.
Looks like @Astro_Jose did a pretty good job here :-) And he probably is soooo tired of hearing this joke.. I wish him good luck on the STS-128 mission, where he'll be the mission specialist. But I wish him even more success with the foundation he has started: "Reaching for the Stars!" inspire children and have them reach for the stars, and beyond!
(but I still think the scene is hilarious - text above adapted for inflation of space suit prices)